The Devil and Uzumaki Naruto
by Tachibana Azrael Chikoku
Summary: Naruto version of The Devil and Homer Simpson. That's pretty much it.


A/N: Pretty much a Naruto version of The Devil and Homer Simpson from the episode Treehouse of Horror IV.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Simpsons, Chewbacca Defense, yatta yatta yatta.

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The Devil and Uzumaki Naruto

Scene starts in an area completely in black. Just then some announcer's voice announces…

"The next item from Ramen Monthly, it's an absolute must, a vision from an idiot's dream…"

A puff of smoke occurs and appears a bowl of Fire Country Style Miso Ramen with a model's legs approaches Naruto.

"Genius. Pure genius." declared Naruto.

However before Naruto can eat it he wakes up to reality.

"Damn, ah well. Itadaki…" Naruto notices that his two bowls are completely empty.

"Sorry Naruto, while you were sleeping we ate your noodles." apologized Sakura.

"Actually I gave one to some bald fat yellow guy desperate for food." said Sasuke.

"Sorry Naruto but we just ran out of ramen." said Ayame.

Naruto screamed and ran towards his apartment and took a heavy book entitled Emergengy Procedures for the Blond and Stupid. Inside is a gap with a single piece of paper that says:

'Dear Naruto, I owe you one packet of Ramen. Signed Naruto.'

In a panic he flips the pages to another gap and another paper reads:

'P.S. I owe you another Nindo Noodle.'

"Bastard, he's always two steps ahead. Oh how I sell my soul for a bowl of ramen." cried Naruto.

"That can be arranged." said a voice. Just then flames erupt to reveal Hinata as the devil, albeit more older and revealing.

"Hinata, you're the devil?"

"Well, people never suspect someone like me to be the Princess of Darkness. Now then, many people offer to sell their souls without reflecting upon the grave ramifications…"  
Hinata was cut off.

"Look, do you have a bowl of ramen or not."

"Impatient aren't we. This is why I stop liking you. Just sign this." Hinata hands him a pen with trapped souls within it. Naruto signs the contract and it immediately burns. Meanwhile the ANBU look from outside his window.

"Who's that?" said one of them.

"The Princess of Darkness. I think she's Hokage-sama's 11 o'clock."

Meanwhile a creature appears and offers Naruto a steaming bowl of ramen (Ultimate Nirvana flavor).

"Now then, once you finish that bowl your soul belongs to me." said Hinata.

Naruto tales a slurp. "So, if I don't finish this, you don't own my soul right?"

"Technically no, but…"

"Ha ha, I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the devil!" taunted Naruto.

Hinata takes on her monstrous demonic form and bellows: "YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN THE DEVIL! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

Hinata disappears into Hell while Naruto puts his bowl into the fridge.

"Hehehe, not likely."

Later than night Naruto wanders to the fridge, opens it, and takes out the bowl of Nirvana despite the warnings notes.

Sakura: Don't touch it!

Kakashi: Don't bother.

Sasuke: Well, see you in hell.

"Mmm, forbidden ramen."

Naruto finishes the ramen and flames erupt from the ground. Just then Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke poof into the apartment.

"Naruto, don't tell me you ate the ramen." said Kakashi.

"…no." said Naruto weakly.

Naruto is drawn into the hole but got stuck.

"Your damn ass won't save you this time. Oh hey Sasuke." said Hinata.

"Hey." said Sasuke.

"You still owe me one for helping you send your brother to hell."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Wait, doesn't Naruto have the right to a fair trial?" said Sakura.

"Oh, goddamn Konoha and your 'due processes. It's so much easier in Mexico. Very well, tomorrow at midnight you'll have your goddamn trial." Hinata converts her trident into a plunger and pushes Naruto into the pits of hell.

"EYAHHHHHHHH! OOH!" Naruto takes a photo of a random equation and continues screaming. He then lands on a conveyor belt and chopped into pieces and placed in a barrel labeled 'Hot Dog Meat'.

Next he is in the room labeled 'Ironic Punishment Division' where he's strapped to a chair and his mouth strapped to a machine.

"So you like ramen huh?" said a Demon

"Uh huh." Naruto nodded.

Well then, have all the ramen in the world!"

Naruto is force fed different flavors of ramen. Eventually the room is stacked full of bowls and Naruto is fat like hell.

"More." said Naruto with a mouth full of noodles.

"I don't get it. Uchiha Itachi went mad after 15 minutes of Pocky."

Meanwhile in the living world Kakashi and Team Seven tries to find a lawyer in the Hokage office.

"Hey, look at this. We'll finish your trial in 30 minutes or your pizza's free." said Sakura.

"Who's the lawyer?" said Tsunade.

"It's Jiraiya Tsunade-sama." said Shizune.

"Oh great. I could sell my soul for some sake." sighed Tsunade.

"That could be arranged. Oh wait, you already sold your soul twice. Never mind." said Hinata.

Back in Hell Naruto is currently used for bowling pins.

In the world of the living the clock hits midnight and Hinata appears with Naruto in a flaming cage.

"Naruto, are you alright?" said Kakashi and Sakura. Sasuke took the chance to sleep for the night.

"Do I look alright?! I've seen scary things usually referenced in the author's other story."

A fiery seal appears and Shino appeared as the judge.

"Shino, you're the judge?" said Sakura.

"Mostly for these kind of trials. Now then court is now in session." said Shino.

"Alright but we get bathroom breaks every half-hour." said Jiraiya.

"Okay, but I get to pick the jury." said Hinata.

"Agreed...fuck!"

"You got Ero-sennin as my lawyer?" yelled Naruto.

"Sorry but he was the only one available." apologized Shizune.

"Shut up! I unleash the Jury of the Damned. Gendo Rokubungi, Albert Wesker, Orochimaru…"

"But I'm not dead yet. I just (this part is censored for the sake of sanity)."

"Shut it Fruitcake. I did a favor for you."

"Yes master."

"As I was saying…Kazuo Kiriyama, Hyuuga Neji, and the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers."

"Neji, you sold your soul to Hinata too?" said Sakura.

"Did it so she gets rid of my cursed seal and kill Hiashi-teme for me." confessed Neji.

There aren't enough seats for everyone and Shizune hands Wesker a high chair.

"I'm sorry Mr. Wesker but Tsunade-sama thrown out most of our chairs." apologized Shizune.

Wesker just sat in the chair being all badass. The proceedings begin.

"I hold here a contract stating that Naruto sold his soul to me for Ultimate Nirvana Ramen. And I can say it was scrum-diddly-umptious. I ask what I deserve to torture, I mean own." said Hinata. The jury talks among themselves.

"Well said. Ladies and gentlemen of this _supposed_ jury, the devil would certainly want you to believe that she rightfully earned the brat's soul. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this _supposed_ jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, _this_ is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca _lives_ on the planet Endor. Now think about it; _that does not make sense_!" said Jiraiya.

"Damn, he's using the Chewbacca Defense."

"Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does _not make sense!_ But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It _does not make sense!_ Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a stupid apprentice, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, approaches and softens does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does _not make sense!_ If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests." (A/N: I took that straight from Wikipedia.)

The Jury sounds convinced but…

"Mr. Jiraiya, do you know the fuck you just said?" said Shino.

"_Damn, thought that would work._ Uh…I need to use the restroom." Jiraiya runs off.

"If he's done, I gotta go." said Kiriyama.

Shino starts the sentencing. "Naruto, I have no choice but sentence you to an eternity…"

"Wait, before you send him to Hell look at this." Sakura shows them a drunken Sexy Form Naruto with a drunken Lee and Tenten. "Kiba said Naruto wanted to take a picture of them."

"Why?"

"Doesn't matter, just read the back."

"It's a treasure map." said Gendo.

"You idiot! How the hell did you become Supreme Commander of NERV and also illiterate at the same time?" said Wesker.

"Ask SEELE."

"Uh, you said you sold your soul to me. Whatever. Kiba." read Kiriyama.

The jury debated and made their decision.

"Your honor, we find that Uzumaki Naruto's soul belongs to a Kiba and not the devil." said Wesker.

"Damn." said Hinata.

"Alright!" said the group.

"Woohoo…OUCH!" Naruto burned his head.

Shino and the jury disappears.

"Alright, you win this round Naruto. But let that ill-gotten ramen be forever on your head! Oh and I expect you to be in your room in that suit Tsunade." While Hinata cursed Naruto Tsunade blushed. Then Naruto screamed. The next morning Naruto eats his ramen/head.

"Naruto, stop eating yourself." said Kakashi.

"But I'm so tasty and miso flavored. Ah well time for a mission." said Naruto.

"Better not go outside." said Sakura.

Outside is the Akimichi clan with spoons and chopsticks.

"Don't worry, he'll come out soon enough." said Chouji.

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A/N: Got nothing cowboys. 


End file.
